西洋人 什么事都讲究按部就班的慢慢来，从来没有平地登天的捷径，而我们 中国人专门走捷径，而走捷径的第一个法门，就是善吹牛。
While Westerners gO about whatever work they do methodically and patiently, never dreaming of reaching great heights in one step, we Chinese are always given to seeking a shortcut and regard the ability to boast as the master key to it.
吹牛是一件不可看轻的艺术，就如修辞学上不可缺少"张喻"一 类的东西一样。
Boasting is an essential art of life just as hyperbole is en indispensable rhetorical figure.
像李太白什么司"黄河之水天上来"，又是什么"白发 三千丈"，这在修辞学上就叫作"张喻"，而在不懂修辞学的人看来， 就觉得李太白在吹牛了。
The Tang poet Li Bai's famous lines "The Yellow River comes from the sky" and "My white hair of thirty thousand feet"' are examples of hyperbole, which, to those who know little about the art of rhetoric, may sound like a gross exaggeration on the part of the poet.
人类这个 东西，就有这么奇怪，无论什么事，你若老老实实的把实话告诉他， 不但不能激起他共鸣的情绪，而且还要轻蔑你冷笑你，假使你见了 那摸不清你根底的人，你不管你家里早饭的米是当了被褥换来的， 你只要大言不惭的说"某部长是我父亲的好朋友，某政客是我拜把子 的叔公，我认得某某巨商，我的太太同某军阀的第五位太太是干姐 妹"，吹起这一套法螺来，那摸不清你的人，便贴贴服服的向你合十 顶礼，说不定碰得巧还恭而且敬的请你大吃一顿燕菜席呢！
On the other hand, suppose, penniless as you are, you brag unabashedly to somebody who knows little about you, "Minister So-and-So a is a good friend of my father's," 91 "Politician So-and-So is my grandpa's sworn brother," "I know a certain business tycoon very well," or "My wife is a nominally adoptive sister of a certain warlord's fifth concubine." The listener will adore you like a deity Or may even, at an opportune moment, respectfully treat you a to a big dinner featuring edible bird's nest!
但是且慢！
But wait a minute!
不然的话必难打动他 或她的心弦，那么就失掉吹牛的功效了。
Otherwise, you'll make a bungle of it and fail to touch a chord in a his or her heart.
比如说你见了一个仰慕文人 發 89 的无名作家或学生时，而你自己要自充老前辈时，你不用说别的，只 要说胡适是我极熟的朋友，郁达夫是我最好的知己，最妙你再转弯 抹角的去探听一些关于胡适郁达夫琐碎的佚事，比如说胡适最喜听什 么，郁达夫最讨厌什么，于是便可以亲亲切切的叫着"适之怎样怎样， 达夫怎样怎样"，这样一来，你便也就成了胡适郁达夫同等的人物，而 被人所尊敬了。
Suppose you meet an unknown Writer or a young student who worships men of letters and you want to pretend to be a senior, all you have to say is that Hu Shih is a close friend of yours or that Yu Dafu is your second self.
如果你遇见一个好虚荣的女子呢，你就可以说你周游过列国， 到过土耳其南非洲！
When you meet a girl who is vain, just tell her that you have toured to various countries, such as Turkey and South Africa, ...
And at your Own expense into the bargain!
并且还是自费去的"，这样一来就可以证明你不 但学识阅历丰富，并且还是资产阶级。
That suffices to prove you are not only a man a of much learning and experience but also well-to-do.
于是乎你的恋爱便立刻成功 了e 他如遇见商贾、官僚、政客、军阀，都不妨察言观色，投其所 好，大吹而特吹之，总而言之，好色者以色吹之，好利者以利吹之， 好名者以名吹之，好权势者以权势吹之，此所谓以毒攻毒之法，无往 而不利。
When you meet a businessman, bureaucrat, politician or warlord, you can.
After gathering each and every mood of them, start boasting wildly to cater to theit likes.
或曰吹牛妙用虽大，但也要善吹，否则揭穿西洋镜，便没有戏可 唱了。
Yes, bragging is of great use, but you need to be very skillful in the performance of it, otherwise you'll give away the show and end up in a complete fiasco.
"假如那天你的太太感觉你没多大出息"时，你就可以说 张家大小姐说我的诗作的好，王家少奶奶说我脸子漂亮而有丈夫气， 这样一来太太便立刻加倍的爱你了。
I've no time today to gO there to draw money." If your wife happens to complain you're sort of good for nothing, you can tell her that the eldest daughter of a certain Zhang family has been admiring you for the excellent poems you write and the daughter-in-law of a certain Wang family has been admiring you for being handsome and manly.